Fandom High School

Josh barely looked up from his pile of newspapers as the government students filed into his classroom. It stopped him from stressing out about the radio last night. "Here are you exams, people," he said, finally remembering to pass the papers out, "try not to burst out crying if at all possible."

( Final Exam! )

When the finals were handed in, Josh gave the class a smile. "It has been a real pleasure teaching here for the last two and a half years. I've accepted a job as the campaign manager for Congressman Matt Santos's run for president, so I'll be leaving the island at the end of the week, but if any of you are looking for a summer job and really love to knock on doors, I'll leave my email address for you."

Josh looked up from his laptop when the government class began walking in. He'd just finished buying tickets to a Congressional district in Texas: he had a promise to keep to an old friend.

"Today we talk about the judicial branch," he said. "Specifically, the Supreme Court: the people who will decide if the bills the Congress passes and the President signs are Constitutional." He grinned. "So, other than wear cool robes, what do they do?"

Josh lectured from his notes. He spent a lot of time on landmark Court cases, too. You might think Marbury v. Madison and Dred Scot would be on the final exam. You'd be right.

"All right," he said. "We know that the only way to get rid of a member of the Supreme Court is either through retirement or the icy hand of death. Why do you think the Founders decided that was important for the federal judiciary? Do you think they would've reconsidered given that we live much longer now?"

If I Had $1,000,000 - Barenaked Ladies

There's a sign on Josh's classroom door.

Hope you didn't miss the field trip...

"We've gotten to the end of our section on the Executive Branch," Josh said as he passed around sheets of paper, "which means that it is time for another exam."

( Exam! )

"Questions? Pleas for understanding, or possible attempts to throw yourself at me in the hopes that I'll find mercy?" Josh shrugged. "I'm here for it all."

Little Wonders - Rob Thomas

"Today we start talking about some of the really great powers that come with being President. I'm not talking about Air Force One, though it rocks, and the peanuts are great, or the Secret Service--and those guys are pretty awesome too. I'm talking about being able to pay back your old incompetent college buddies by making them ambassadors!" He grinned. "Oh yeah, and you get to have a Cabinet."

( Yay, the Cabinet! )

Josh smiled and sat back down. "Our discussion for the day: Which Cabinet secretary or Cabinet-level administration office guy would you prefer to be? If you were President, who from this school would you nominate for various positions? Remember, they only have to get past the Senate. They don't have to be qualified."

Josh was mainlining coffee at the front of the class as the students arrived. "First of all," he said, "your tests came out very well. Congratulations to me for being such a fantastic teacher."

He reached for his notes. "Today we talk about two other important documents that were intended to govern the United States: the Articles of Confederation, which totally didn't work, and the Constitution, that did."

( And lo, did the deer gather round... )

He sat down. "Today, since you've all read the Constitution like the smart students you are, talk about the balance of powers. Someone give an example of a power that the President has, for instance, or Congress, or the Supreme Court, and someone else show how a different branch can check that power." He smirked. "Think of it as a really, really nerdy game of rock-paper-scissors."

Josh was mainlining coffee this morning. This was, for the record, in no way different than every other day in Josh's life.

Outside the classroom, a small herd of teal deer were making themselves comfortable.

( The teal deer were smart, yo. )

Josh perched on his desk and waited for the first student to comment.

Josh was yelling at a copy of the Washington Post when the students began arriving. He didn't seem to like George Bush.

Shocker.

"Welcome to US Government. I'm Josh Lyman and up until January 2005 I was the deputy chief of staff for President Josiah Bartlet. You may all be suitably impressed now." He looked around the room. "Good."

"This is a class about how the US government works, or on occasion, comes to a screeching, painful halt. I've worked in both the legislative and executive branches and worked extensively with the judicial branch as well, so I'm very excited to bring my wealth of knowledge of all things government to your eager young minds."

He took a sip of coffee, then a bite of one of the finest bagels in the land. Just this once he'd even brought enough to share.

"Okay, maybe I'm not excited, and maybe you're not eager, but work with me here, people. Knowing how the government works is part of your responsibility as Americans. Um, if you are Americans. If you're not, learning about the government of this completely other country is a fascinating hobby that will get you lots of dates." He raised an eyebrow. "Really."

"This class will focus mostly on the federal government and how it operates because I'm running the class and find all things dealing with state and local politics to be stupefyingly boring." He held up a hand. "You might have other opinions, but I, well, don't care that much."

He handed around copies of the class syllabus. "As it says so clearly at the top of the page, today we discuss why you should care about government. Now I know why I care about the government, but explain to me why you care at all what bills the House of Representatives is debating, or who sits on the Supreme Court. Or who's elected President, or governor, or to the local school board." He waved his hand. "Or if you don't, explain that too."

He sat down at his desk and pointed at random to a student. "You. Name, class, why you care about government."

Josh was sucking down coffee like he'd never seen the stuff before in his life.

"Next week's your final exam, so today...we play hangman!" he announced. "Or you do. Pick out vocabulary words, key terms, blah blah whatever." He took another drink from his mug. "As long as you're quiet and doing something that you could convince me is related in some way to the US government, I'm happy."

Josh looked at the syllabus. "Okay, today we're supposed to talk about state and local governments, but they're not nearly as interesting as the federal level. Think what I taught you about national government, shrink it down to the state level, give it to less competent people in cheaper suits and you've got the general idea."

He waved a hand. "Also, it turns out that I'm supposed to be visiting my mother for Passover today and my tickets are making me go through Atlanta which blows. Discuss that. Or, you know, local government. Whatever."

God Made Women - Keith Urban

Josh looked up from his crossword puzzle when the government class began walking in.

"Today we talk about the judicial branch," he said. "Specifically, the Supreme Court: the people who will decide if the bills the Congress passes and the President signs are Constitutional." He grinned. "So, other than wear cool robes, what do they do?"

Josh lectured from his notes. He spent a lot of time on landmark Court cases, too. You might think Marbury v. Madison and Dred Scot would be on a test sometime soon.

"All right," he said. "We know that the only way to get rid of a member of the Supreme Court is either through retirement or the icy hand of death. Why do you think the Founders decided that was important for the federal judiciary? Do you think they would've reconsidered given that we live much longer now?"

"Today we talk about the President's Cabinet," Josh said with a slightly relieved-looking smile when the government class walked in. "Without the President, this week. The Cabinet is, well, people and not furniture."

( The Cabinet, yay! )

Josh smiled and sat back down. "Our discussion for the day: Which Cabinet secretary or Cabinet-level administration office guy would you prefer to be? If you were President, who from this school would you nominate for various positions?"

After handing back their exams, Josh turned to point at the board where he had scrawled "EXECUTIVE BRANCH" in huge letters.

"Morning," he said. "Today we begin talking about the Executive Branch and why it is so completely superior to all other branches of government. Because we get a motorcade and the rest of them don't, among many, many other reasons."

( Josh's favorite subject other than himself! Watch him ramble! )

He sat down. "Today's question: you're the President and just dying to issue an executive order. What do you declare?"

"As promised, today we have our first test of the semester," Josh said, then took huge gulps from his mug of coffee. "I'm sure you're all thrilled. If you're not, well, fake it."

He stood up from his desk and handed the test papers to Donna Pam to pass out.

( Oooh. Test! )

"Question or concerns that aren't 'what's the answer to number 4?' Ask away."

[OOC: Answer the questions IC or handwave what your grade would've been]

Josh was leafing through an old copy of the Congressional Record (because he's a dork like that) and mainlining coffee (because it was ridiculously early) when his government class arrived.

"Okay, before I can bore you all with American government, I need to give you some quick background." He clasped his hands together. "Prepare to be bored by Greek, Roman and early English government."

( And lo, Josh talked *forever*. )

"No homework tonight, but I want you to divide up into groups of two or three and discuss this question: Is direct democracy practical today? In a nation of almost 300 million people, is it possible to simultaneously gather all of their opinions? Also, who's cooler: Calvin or Hobbes?"

Yeah, he meant the comic strip. Josh was occasionally very, very odd.

[OOC: Up early because of work internetlessness of doom. Have fun!]

"The rush has worn off from the election results," Josh said as he passed around sheets of paper, "which means that it is time for your much-delayed midterm examination."

( Cut for test questions! )

"Questions? Pleas for understanding, or possible attempts to throw yourself at me in the hopes that I'll find mercy?" Josh shrugged. "I'm here for it all."

"Today we talk about the President's Cabinet," Josh said with a smile when the government class walked in. "Without the President, this week. The Cabinet is, well, people and not furniture."

( Oooh. The Cabinet. How thrilling! )

Josh smiled and sat back down. "Our discussion for the day: Which Cabinet secretary or Cabinet-level administration office guy would you prefer to be? If you were President, who from this school would you nominate for various positions?"

After handing back their exams, Josh turned to point at the board where he had scrawled "EXECUTIVE BRANCH" in huge letters.

"Morning," he said. "Today we begin talking about the Executive Branch and why it is so completely superior to all other branches of government. Because we get a motorcade and the rest of them don't, among many, many other reasons."

He smiled. "Okay. The Executive Branch. The Presidency. We'll be spending a couple of classes on this since, as you might've guessed, I'm a big fan of this particular branch."

He coughed and the three teal deer who had started hanging out by Josh's classroom window gave him a dirty look. ( And lo, Josh talked and talked and talked. Shocking. )

He sat down. "Today's question: you're the President and just dying to issue an executive order. What do you declare?"

Josh had gone through four cups of coffee since his first period class, so he was way more awake.

Not quite at Caf-Pow levels of crazed, though.

"As promised, today we have our first test of the semester," he said. "I'm sure you're all thrilled. If you're not, well, fake it."

Josh stood up from his desk and passed out test papers.

( Oh, no! A test! )

Josh was leafing through an old copy of the Congressional Record (because he's a dork like that) when his government class arrived.

"Okay, before I can bore you all with American government, I need to give you some quick background." He clasped his hands together. "Prepare to be bored by Greek, Roman and early English government."

( Greeks, Romans & the Enlightenment )

He grinned. "But we'll get to that next week.

"No homework tonight, but I want you to divide up into groups of two or three and discuss this question: Is direct democracy practical today? In a nation of almost 300 million people, is it possible to simultaneously gather all of their opinions? Also, who's cooler: Calvin or Hobbes?"

Yeah, he meant the comic strip. Josh was occasionally very, very odd.

Josh smiled as the class walked into the room for the last time. "You guys have been a lot of fun to teach this semester," he said, looking at all of them. "Hope you learned a little bit of how the American system of government works, but if you didn't, don't tell me, okay? I'd like to think I taught you something. Anyway, have a good summer, and I'll see you back here in the Fall. Except for the seniors, of course--good luck with whatever you end up doing away from Fandom." He smiled. "Just as a warning, I wouldn't mention weetiny bunnies to anyone who hasn't, you know, been here. They might think you're insane."

He passed out the final exam, then sat down at his desk.

( Final exam, oh noes! )

Josh was reading an article about a health care plan proposed by some Texas Congressman named Santos that Toby had forwarded to him when the government class began arriving.

"Next week's class will be a review session, so today we talk about the last thing that you'll be required to care about for the final exam." He pointed to the board, where he had written lobbyists and the media.

"Technically, not part of the three separate but equal branches of government that the Founders had envisioned, but especially in the modern age, incredibly influential in the way laws are drawn up and passed."

He kicked his feet up onto his desk. "You've done the handwavy reading. How do you think the Founders would react if they came back and wandered down K Street and saw all the lobbying firms? Or turned on Fox News? Do you think this is what they had in mind? Do you think they could see how we got here? Would George Washington have a heart attack to see what we've done?"

Josh didn't look particularly happy today. Wonder why.

"Okay," he said, stalking around the room. "Today we get started talking about how you might go about getting elected to public office. Since you're in government class and not political campaigning--he smiled at Elizabeth--I'm not going to get into the real nitty gritty. You won't have to memorize campaign finance law or try to make sense of McCain-Feingold." He raised an eyebrow. "You do have to know that McCain-Feingold exists, though, so write that down."

"Next week we'll talk about the electoral college and what that means for presidential politics. For now, let's say you were trying to run for, um, the Senate. Say you're 30 years old already. What do you think you would need in order to run and win?"

He turned and scrawled "Money" and "Votes" on the board. "Seems ridiculously easy, but yeah, this is pretty much all you need." He paused, then wrote "Ideas" on the board as well. "Well, and a reason for the voters to choose you."

He winked at Elizabeth. "And to win? You need fifty percent plus 1 vote. Never waste your time trying to convince everyone to vote for you. Just convince more people than the other guy."

He sat down. "Questions?"