Fandom High School

"Well, this is our last class before the final,," Bruce said, clearing his throat. He was standing at the front of the Danger Shop, which was made to resemble an ordinary classroom, with the desks arranged in a semicircle toward the front of the room. There weren't really enough students in this class for a proper circle.

There was also a door off to the side of the classroom. It was closed, but not locked.

"I'm going to tell you right now what you can expect. You will be placed in a stressful environment, and it will be up to you to use the techniques at your disposal to remain calm and in control of yourself. You are welcome to talk to each other or work alone. In a way, it will even be open-notes; you're welcome to bring with you, on your person, anything you think might come in handy for helping you to relax, like a specific snack or an iPod, just as long as it fits in a backpack."

He clapped his hands together once. "So if anyone has any questions about material that we've covered on specific weeks, feel free to ask them now."

He paused for a moment or two to give students time to think of any questions they might have. Then he proceeded to answer the questions if any came up, being thorough but succinct.

When it seemed like the students were out of questions, Bruce cleared his throat again. "Okay," he said. "For our last class, I have something kind of fun planned. I think it'll be fun, anyway. If you could all just follow me?"

He got up and made his way over to the door at the side of the classroom and opened it. It appeared to lead to the outside -- to a park, specifically, and one that was full of adorable small animals. It was a comfortable temperature, but there was a coating of snow on the ground that seemed to be making a lot of the dogs very happy.

"Welcome to your last-day of class party," Bruce said. "The animals are borrowed from Furnado Animal Shelter--" he nodded to a girl sitting on a bench toward the back, texting and petting a dog that was seated on the bench beside her-- "and they're all hypoallergenic, so you shouldn't have any problems. If you don't like animals, the park equipment is still all yours, and that hill over there is a great place for sledding." He smiled. "Enjoy."

Today, the classroom was set up like a typical dining room, with one round table for everyone to sit at. There were bagels and other brunch-type foods on the table, and the cuisines represented were pretty diverse, considering. There was even hagelslag.

"Spending time with family can be stressful," Bruce announced from his place at the table, "which I'm sure many of you already know. Tempers tend to flare high at family gatherings, or at the very least, in the car afterwards on the way home. As a result, the holidays aren't always the most fun time of the year for everyone, and I thought we could talk about how to overcome the difficulties presented by excursions home. Since being confined to someone's house or apartment generally rules out anger management strategies like onsen trips and retail 'therapy,' the techniquies I want to talk about today are smaller, and leaning more in the direction of the second half of the class title, emotional control, rather than actually not being angry."

He clapped his hands together. "We've talked about taking deep breaths and counting to ten, and I think we were all somewhat skeptical of that approach," Bruce began. "However, it's certainly something to keep in your back pocket just in case. Stress balls might also be useful - I still have mine from the other week - or generally making sure you have something in your hand when you feel your temper rising. That can serve two purposes: squeezing something can allow you to reduce some of the tension and adrenaline in your body, and it can also prevent you from actually punching anyone."

He said that with a slight hint of humor in his tone, but not enough to be considered disrespectful if anyone in the room did have that kind of temper problem.

"Something else you can do is, of course, to exit a conversation for a while," he continued. "Excusing yourself to go to the bathroom or get some fresh air in the middle of a meal may be considered taboo in some cultures, but it's definitely not as bad as starting to shout across the table, so keep that in mind." He'd offended more than a few people by doing just that, but it was better than a Hulk-out, right?

"When you're around food, which is often the case around the holidays, emotional eating is an old standby for a reason," Bruce went on. "It's like the stress balls in that it keeps your mouth full so you don't yell, and on top of that, if the food's good, it might actually cheer up your mood. Plus, filling up releases endorphins that can calm you down, like seratonin, which we've talked about earlier. As a sidebar, you might have heard that turkey contains a 'natural sedative' called tryptophan, which is and isn't true -- turkey does contain tryptophan, but it's unlikely to make you all that sleepy. Still, filling up on any kind of food should make you somewhat tired."

He cleared his throat. "And finally, there's always visualization. If someone is asking you a lot of annoying questions and making your holiday a living hell, you can feel free to picture yourself in any scenario that works for you. We'll actually be talking a bit more about that next week, but be aware that that's an option for you if it's what you need to get you through a family dinner."

With that, Bruce clapped his hands together once before walking over to the board and picking up a marker. "Lastly, if none of that works, here's my number," he said before writing it down on the board. "If you need anything during the holiday weekend and want to talk to me, feel free to interrupt my unexceptional Thursday night. I promise I won't be annoyed, and I'll try not to make it awkward."

At the front of the room today, there was a container of brightly-colored foam balls, each just about small enough to fit in a teenager's palm. As the students filtered in, Bruce directed them to each take one.

"These are stress balls." Oh, Bruce, really? "It sounds hokey, but sometimes in everyday life, when you don't have the time to excuse yourself to watch a funny movie, it can help to have something to be able to squeeze in your hand, rather than expressing your frustration in other physical ways."

Like crushing someone's head. Don't do that.

"There's not a lot to be said about these, so I'd rather you have some time to work with them," he said. "You'll find each of you has a role to act out in an envelope under your chair, so please pair up and talk normally. If you become frustrated, you've got your stress ball."

"Oh, and you're welcome to keep these, by the way," he added.

Class was meeting in a normal classroom again today, with the small exception of the ancient-looking stereo that was sitting on Bruce's desk at the front of the room.

"Today I'd like to talk about how music can elicit emotional responses," he said. "Philosophers like Aristotle and Plato spoke about the cathartic value of music hundreds of years ago, and today you'll find some scholars performing analyses on the psychological effect of, uh, dubstep."

He pressed a button on the remote he was holding, and soft instrumental music began to play throughout the room. "Quiet, instrumental music that uses a lot of low tones and avoids provoking cognition with lyrics or predictable melodies is thought to be relaxing, so it's often all you'll hear in spas and massage parlors," he said. "Often, as you listen to this kind of music, your heart rate can start to fall to match the beat, calming you down."

After letting the song play for a few moments, Bruce clicked the remote again, and loud rock music switched on. "On the other hand," he said, loudly so as to be heard over the, well, yelling, "loud, rhythmic music has the opposite effect, which is why a lot of people choose to get their heart rates up during exercise with songs like this one."

He switched off the music and went back to the first song. "Obviously, there are many layers between the two," he said. "But I'm not a music theorist. I have an article I'd like you all to read, and then if you'd like, we can talk about it."

"Some ways to deal with emotions aren't necessarily the healthiest, but they can still be effective," Bruce began today. "For example, emotional shopping or eating comfort food are both ways that people sometimes choose to make themselves feel better when they're upset. The reason these approaches work is pretty clear, but with these examples, there's also a risk of feeling guilty afterwards if you overdo it."

Not that he knew very much about overdoing it with retail therapy. Shopping for pleasure wasn't really Bruce's style.

"Because of the risk of making yourself feel even worse, I don't recommend retail therapy as a valid means of anger management," he warned. "When done emotionally, shopping can become an addictive behavior, and it also means feeding into consumerism to a pretty large degree. Also, of course, the extent to which it works for a given person depends on their financial situation. So we're going to be exploring this method, but I'd recommend taking it with a grain of salt or five."

Sure, make it preachy, Banner.

"Today we're going to have the Danger Shop simulate a brand-new high-end outlet mall," he said. "You'll also each receive simulation credit cards, which obviously don't have any real money on them and won't work outside of the simulation, but you're welcome to try." And get nowhere. "Once we're inside, you can spend the next forty minutes however you'd like. You can window-shop, visit the food court, or actually buy things you'd like so we'll have something to talk about when we debrief today. At the end, we'll meet up at--" he grimaced-- "Starbucks and talk about how it went."

With that, he pushed open the door to the Danger Shop and let the students filter into the mall.

Today class was meeting just outside the Danger Shop, but before opening the door, Bruce seemed to want to give his lecture in the hallway. Ominous?

"We've gone over a few different anger management methods so far, but omitted a really obvious one," he began. "Breathing techniques. Closing your eyes, taking a deep breath and counting to ten is for some reason considered the go-to Western method for keeping your emotions under control. Whether or not it's effective can vary from person to person, though I myself don't generally find it particularly relaxing."

Which he blamed on his meditation training. Closing his eyes and counting to ten while breathing slowly just felt like bullshit.

"So I thought today we could examine its effectiveness. Once we go inside, you'll find yourselves in something of a stressful situation. You can work alone or in pairs. When the situation becomes frustrating, I'd like you to try taking deep breaths. Afterwards, we'll discuss the experience and talk about why it did or didn't work."

Class was meeting outside today - or, well, the Danger Shop's approximation of outside, which was a bit more overcast but, overall, not all that much worse out than the real thing.

"Sorry about this, guys, but one common method for overcoming anger is exercise," Bruce began, gesturing to the sweep of island all around them. "Serotonin, a neurotransmitter that helps with mood regulation, is spiked by physical activity, whereas a decrease in serotonin is linked to depression, anger issues, and irritability. So we're going to work on anger management through exercise today."

He cleared his throat. "I made this simulation pretty comprehensive, so you have the whole island to run around. If you want, I have some heart rate monitors that you can grab so you can see how hard you're working. Otherwise, just go out there and get your heart rates up."

There was one small caviat, though. So far, Bruce had given them the means to reduce anger, but nothing to make them angry in the first place.

That changed when he hit a button on the Danger Shop remote, and suddenly it was raining buckets.

"Sorry!" he called again over a clap of thunder, jogging over to a shaded area beneath a business's awning. He was actually, bizarrely, smiling. "Have fun!"