fandomhigh | Entries tagged with culinary crimes

Thanks to a nice two-day intensive recovery period, Summer was pretty much recovered and back to normal by the time her class on Tuesday rolled around, which was good, because, thanks to a certain present and having been down for the count on Father's Day, she already had a busy rest-of-the-week ahead of her.

But first! Traumatizing people with food! Or at least making them scratch their heads a little, because she felt she was going a little light on them for their final class, but, as stated many times previously, her guage on this sort of thing had broken beyond repair a loooong time ago.

"Welcome back, you guys," she started, "and welcome the final week in which you're subjected to the terrible things people can do to food, unless you plan on taking my course next session, too. In a way, there's something about today's class that will tie into the focus of the next one, but that's all I'm saying on the matter. Today, we're going to focus on a specific food, one that's actually very near and dear to my heart, and that food is spaghetti.

"More specifically, we'll be making spaghetti filled peppers and a nice spaghetti pie, finishing off with a lovely spaghetti pudding."

Why, yes, you did hear all of that correctly.

"That's a lot to fit into one class, and I wouldn't wany any of you misisng out on any of it, so let's just get right into it, shall we?"

somethingwithturquoise

"Gooood morning, everyone!" Summer had been looking forward to this week in particular every since she stumbled across today's particular monstrosity, so you knew you were all in for a real treat, right? "Today, we're going to be asking the question: is it a crime to be extra?"

If it was, you might as well cuff her and take her away now, really.

"And," she added, "today's actually a more modern recipe, borne out of this century for a change, riding on that niche area of culinary interest that seems to really push the boundaries of excess and explore just how ridiculous you can get. It is a very involved recipe, so we'll definitely be walking through it together, but, before we get to that, we do have a quick and easy vintage recipe,, by special request," here, she was definitely throwing a smirk toward Stark ~~assuming he was there~~, "that we can just make and let set while we work the main recipe because, hoo boy, guys, it is something, let me tell you.

"So, without further ado," for dramatic effect, she reached over to grab a nice package of roast beef and plopped it onto the counter in front of her, along with a bag of chocolate chips, "let's get started first on our beef fudge."

And that was the lighter recipe...

somethingwithturquoise

"Good mooooorning, everyone!" A week off of her culinary bullshit meant that Summer was particularly excited to get back on her horrible, horrifying hype train, glad to be back at the scene of the crime(s) and eager to unleash more mind-boggling recipes on her unwitting (but not entirely unwilling, most of you knew exactly what you were signing up for) students. "Sorry about last week; I was definitely not in a state to even eat normal food, much less deal with anything we'd do in this class, but Prompto sent pics and vids, and I think you guys did a pretty good job. So we're going to take things a little light this week."

Please keep in mind that Summer had lost all sense of perspective when it came to these things, and what she considered 'light' might be entirely out of alignment with what any normal person would. They might not be that bad. They might be far worse than she could ever imagine. She just had no fucking clue anymore, when you got right down to it.

"Mostly, then, this week we'll be focusing on three recipes that emphasis some truly...unique presentations. We'll be starting with a nice, refreshing deviled lettuce, our main event will be utilizing these awesome fish molds we have to make a lovely seafood mousse, and we'll be finishing it all off with a personal favorite and staple in these classes, the liver sausage pineapple."

At one point, this class might as well be 'Summer pulls random foods out of a hat and puts them together.'

"Alright! Let's get started!"

hashtag_chocobro

"Heeeeey, there, everyone!" It was not Summer at the front of the classroom that week, but, instead, Prompto, grinning broadly and doing a poor job as usual of standing still where he was. "Sooooo, Summer couldn't make it in today, she says she'd not feeling very well, so she's asked me to come substitute for her!"

Was Prompto feeing stupid proud that he'd been selected for this task over, say, Ignis and Dr. Lecter (or even Nina!), who were actual teachers that taught on the subject of cooking before and were right there in the class?

Yes. Yes, he was.

Should he?

Considering the context of the class, probably not. But, considering the context of the class, he really was the best choice, and there really shouldn't be any surprise in a second as to exactly why he'd been tagged for the position.

"So I'm pretty sure most of you in this class know me," even the most unfamiliar face he recognized from the party this weekend! "Soooooo I'm pretty sure you can guess what today's class is going to be all about, and that is..." He sang out a little fanfare before very dramatically pulling away the cloth that had been covering something on the head station, revealing a carefully balanced tower of Cup Noodle^TM and other (inferior) instant ramen products. "Ramen< baaay-beeee!

"Now," he continued with an excited grin, "since I am not a cook by, like, any stretch of the imagination, we're not so much doing recipes this week like Summer would do, but, instead, she wanted to use this week as a way to see you guys stretch your imaginations and try to create something either truly weird or wonderful or both, featuring the noodles in these ramen products! She also said....hold on, what exactly was it?" Prompto slipped his phone out of his pocket so he could scroll down to the exact message and read out: "Tell them not to just make enhanced ramen or whatever. They have to be creative! Tell them that the weirdness of what they make directly effect how bad next week is, and no, I will not clarify on that.'"

So Prompto just sort of shrugged. "So she wants you guys to get weird with it, it sounds like, or at least not just, you know, make ramen out of it. She did however, send me two recipes, one for a ramen taco and one for chocolate peanut butter ramen bars if you need some inspiration or can't think of anything else to make, so if you want, I've got those printed out for you. And, not gonna lie, if anyone does try those peanut butter bars, I think you might just be my new hero.

"So, I guess that's it, guys! Have at the ramen, let's see what you come up with, we'll give it a try at the end of class and send Summer loads of pictures and videos to show her what she's missing out on!"

somethingwithturquoise

There was enough of Summer's humanity in tact that she wondered, briefly, if what she was about to do in class today would end up being too terrible even for her. After all, shouldn't some things be sacred? Shouldn't some things be left sacred?

And then she remembered Dante's disparaging looks regarding the okonomiyaki in Japan and decided, you know what? No. Some things maybe needed to be bastardized a little just to bring it down a peg or two.

"Morning, everyone!" Summer greeted them all cheerfully from the station at the front of the classroom. "Today's going to be a good one! Today, we're doing a classic staple that everyone," well, honestly, considering the people in her class, she wouldn't be surprised if quite a few of them were actually a little disdainful about most pizza, so the most everyone was implied, "enjoys, a favorite of overworked parents, bribing teachers, and college party-goers alike, and that's pizza!

"Now," she said, turning a little serious for a moment, "I don't want to hear anyone try to pull the 'well, that's not technically pizza because blah blah blah' stuff on me. We're working with mayo and pears and soup for these recipes, technically went out the window the moment we entered the class. Technically pizza, technically sane, technically fit for human consumption? All of them. Gone. Right out the window. So, without further ado, let's get some of these started so we can get them baking and see how they fare in the court of popular taste buds."

somethingwithturquoise

"Hey, everyone!" How could Summer not be excited and thrilled for what was definitely her favorite day of the week now, especially after last week had been so, so satisfying? "Welcome back! I hope you've all brought your appetites...and your antacids!...because today's we're actually going to be be focusing on three...that's right, three!...recipes that focus on ease and convenience and feature the sodium-rich goodness of packaged meats."

Because that was always a sentence that would inspire a lot of hope for what was about to happen, right?

"They're all pretty easy, too, so time will definitely not be an issue, but I know you're all eager to see what I've got for you all today. And, don't worry, Liam," Summer's smile went particularly sweet ~~assuming he was there~~. "I've got vegan hot dogs and bologna, too, so you don't have to miss out on all the fun!"

What a time to be alive!

"Alright, guys. Let's get started!"

somethingwithturquoise

Ahhh, it felt good to be back in the kitchen classroom again! Well, it felt good for Summer to be back in the kitchen classroom again; she was pretty sure everyone else would be miserable and mildly terrified about it, and if they weren't then she clearly wasn't doing her job!

"Hi, everyone," she beamed from the front of the classroom once it looked like everyone was ready to go, "and welcome to Culinary Crimes, which is a class that will take a moment to recreate some highly questionable recipes and put them under trial to decide if they've just gotten a bad rap or they truly do deserve to be locked away into horrible recipe jail for good. For those of you who don't know me," which wasn't many of you, she was pleased to see, although it would have been nice to break more new people, because she was terrible, apparently, "my name is Summer, I've been deep-diving into the world of questionable recipes, with a focus on gelatin, for years now, it's sort of become my passion, and one of my favorite things is to share that passion with other people."

Sharing your passion was apparently now synonymous with torturing.

"Today, we're going to start out with a bang, with a focus on actually two recipes, both involving fruit and seafood."

Because weren't those two things that you always thought to put together!

"But before we do that, since this our first class, I really would like to go around and do some introductions. It's helpful to me even though I know most of you, but it's also helpful to you guys in case you don't know each other yet, but, believe me, by the end of this class, you'll all have shared an inescapable bond through what you've experienced here."

You know. Like PTSD, or something.

"So before we get started on our dishes, let's just go around the room, share with everyone your name, maybe what kind of cooking experience you have so far, why you were interested in taking this course, maybe a little about yourself, and let's hear what maybe some of your favorite foods are."

So that she could ruin them later.

"If you have any food allergies or dietary restrictions, now would probably be a good time to mention those, but I will warn you, that might get you out of trying some stuff, but some of this stuff, there's no avoiding."

Though it may easily spark many future food aversions!

"Who would like to go first?"

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Entries tagged with culinary crimes

Culinary Crimes; Tuesday, Second Period [06/22].

Culinary Crimes; Tuesday, Second Period [06/15].

Culinary Crimes; Tuesday, Second Period [06/08].

Culinary Crimes; Tuesday, Second Period [06/01].

Culinary Crimes; Tuesday, Second Period [05/25].

Culinary Crimes; Tuesday, Second Period [05/18].

Culinary Crimes; Tuesday, Second Period [05/11].

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