Fandom High School

Aeryn had been singing Feliz Navidad all morning. Keep in mind that her translator microbes also read every "Feliz Navidad" as "Merry Christmas", and think about how much more repetitive and annoying that makes that song. Luckily for her students, she was doing a surprisingly good job of not taking it out on them today.

Though she might hit up the shooting range later, because this song would drive her to kill otherwise.

Anyway. "This is our last class together, and it has been a pleasure to teach all of you this semester," she said. "Hopefully you've all learned something, especially if you're going on to become a big brother or sister for any of the new students coming in in a few weeks. Rather than having an actual exam, I wanted to go around the room and see if there was anything that you still have questions about, or feel should have been explained, and then I want you all to tell me the most important piece of information that you would give one of the new students.

"And if you can get this frelling song out of my head, you get extra credit."

"This week we're going to be covering the larger scale invasions," Aeryn greeted the class once they'd all settled. "While we haven't had any this semester, save for the vegetables, they are common enough to have to prepare to deal with them. Trolls, zombies, snow monsters, these things happen. And while you may be used to facing an enemy on the scale of an actual invasion, it's a bit different in Fandom. We have people born and raised to fight, alongside magic users and those with powers, aside from those who live in the library to find out what's going on and how to stop it. I admit, it's impressive how people work when the time comes, and it's something you probably won't really understand until you see it. And I can almost guarantee that at some point, you will see it.

Passing out what she was pretty sure was their first and only handout for this class, she went on, "I've got a list of tips here. I have a feeling most of what I say would go ignored the microt an invasion actually happened, so hopefully seeing it in writing will maybe make a difference. I want you to look at these, and we'll go over any questions you may have on how to better prepare yourselves."

"I see you all survived last week," Aeryn greeted the class after the bell had rung and everyone was settled. "Invasions are simply a way of life on this island. I don't know what it is, but we seem to be some sort of homing beacon for anything that needs to attack in large groups. Today we're going to talk about the smaller scale of things, such as the vegetables. Which, by the way, were entirely new to me, and were fairly disgusting once they were exploded with a pulse pistol." Ahem.

"Most of the invasions I see are fairly harmless, if deeply annoying. I've seen tiny kittens, weetiny clinging bunnies, trolls- the dolls- tiny monkeys... They tend to the cute and endearing and think that will save them. They usually come in swarms, sometimes making it difficult to walk, or by clinging to your clothes until you can't get them off. The only way I've found to deal with them is to work through it. If there is a repellent of any sort available, I would recommend using it." Dear Aeryn: No, there is no such thing as tiny kitten repellent. "Otherwise, you are probably stuck with them, and removing them from your person becomes an invitation for others to take their place. Like I said, deeply annoying.

"Then we have things like the vegetables. While entirely absurd, they do pose enough of a threat to have to be dispatched. I'm sure at least some of you discovered this last week. So let's take a moment to talk about last week. Did you have any run-ins, how did you deal with it, and have you managed to get the stains out of your clothes."

It was really Aeryn's own fault. When she'd planned the class on gremlin bites, it had seemed easy enough. Capturing one hadn't been difficult, and its little cage was set up so it would be comfortable and no one would report her for any sort of abuse, and the thing had actually seemed pretty content in there. At least until she went to get the cage to bring to class, and it decided it didn't like its current arrangement anymore and took a good bite into her hand when it escaped.

So despite the icon, Aeryn was dressed conservatively for what the class would now be discussing, because if she showed up in anything less she would have to kill herself before next week. Being a Victoria's Secret fashion model would be embarrassing enough.

"Hello, everyone!" she said, sounding vaguely like she'd taken diction lessons from Heidi Klum. "First thing we're going to do is move all these desks out of our way. And then you're going to go through all the clothes in that bin and pick what you're going to wear for our fashion show! Now remember, this is being televised, so do your best and don't fall on your face in front of the cameras." There were no cameras. She was striking a pose here for no one.

No, seriously, there'd be a real class for a mortified Aeryn next week. Just think of this as the demonstration portion of the gremlin bite class.


[Link goes to the Victoria's Secret website, so let's call it NWS for the sake of anyone checking it behind their bosses' backs.]

For as much as Aeryn had enjoyed her first vacation in years, she was glad to be back at work. If you knew Aeryn well enough you could probably tell. If not... well, she was glad to be back.

"Welcome back, I trust you enjoyed your break, or at least the time off," she greeted them. "This weekend is homecoming, which is what we're going to be talking about today, because I certainly had no clue what it was before coming here. Alumni from previous classes will be coming back, meaning you will not recognize half the names mentioned on radio, and there will be both a carnival and a dance. Now, if you are new to dances, it's fairly self-explanatory. People dress up, they ask each other to go, and once they're there, there is dancing, usually involving uncomfortable shoes. You don't need a date to go, either, before anyone asks. You can have a perfectly good time not hanging on someone all night. And as a tip, you might want to sniff the punch if you're going to drink it, unless you don't care what may have been added to it during the course of the night.

"While homecoming is an event that happens just about everywhere here, dances themselves don't seem to exist much outside of school settings. Your work generally will not hold them, for instance, unless perhaps you come back to work here. We do have a few of them here, typically the Valentine's Day dance and prom, so if you miss homecoming, don't think you're getting out of it that easily.

"Now," Aeryn said, "since the primary function of a dance is to dance, that's what we'll be doing today. Getting some practice. I would like you all to put on the uncomfortable shoes I've supplied and pair up- typically it's male/female, though I personally don't care- and try some slow dancing. If you don't know how to dance, this is a good time to figure it out, and get used to having your feet stepped on. And maybe some of the blushing can be gotten out of the way now."

"Well," Aeryn said when everyone was in their seats, "I wish I had the foresight to be able to have prepared you adequately for what happened last week. I'm sure if you weren't a female who turned into a male, you knew someone who did, or at least heard about it, so I want to take a moment to check in and see what it was like for everyone." And she might have been hoping Karla made it through okay, shhh.

Once the discussion was over, she continued, "This weekend is Parents Weekend. You may or may not have someone coming, but I'll have you know that I never had anyone show up for me, and yet I still ended up dealing with other people's friends and family. And there will always be someone who doesn't want certain things to make it back to those from home. Unfortunately there are no classes to ease them into it. Some of you might be fine telling your family everything that's going on here, and that is a good thing. Others might not have that luxury, and it takes some talking around things sometimes. I don't suggest outright lying. If you get caught, it's going to be bad. But there are ways to stretch the truth. Each of you is going to choose a topic, and pair up in order to try and explain it to the other person in a way that would not make anyone panic. Consider it practice."

This week as the students settled in for class, they'd find Aeryn passing out printed photos down the rows for everyone to see.

( OH GUESS WHAT CLASS IS ON TODAY )

When the students got to class, they'd find a young woman, dressed in black, watching everyone as they took their seats as if assessing her assignment. Or maybe she was wondering what she'd gotten herself into. Either one.

"Welcome to class. This is Fandom vs. The Real World. If you are not supposed to be in this class, now would be the time to leave. No one probably knows your name yet to think badly of you.
( teacher!aeryn is talky )