Fandom High School

"We've talked about this a little this session, but each of you has your own special skills that might not directly apply to your typical circus act," Dick said to kick off this week's workshop. As the students looked around, they probably realized they weren't in the normal big top tent, but in a smaller tent with stages all around the perimeter. "And when whatever you can do just doesn't translate to big, flashy death-defying stunts, you can always come to the sideshow."

"A lot of the time, the sideshow ends up being filled with people who are very gently called 'human oddities.' Historically, that can be anything from giants (really tall people), midgets (really short people), tattooed freaks (not much of a sideshow act these days), fat ladies, human skeletons (extremely thin people), wolfboys (men with conditions where they're covered in hair all over their face), and many more," Dick said. "But as society's progressed, a lot of those acts have started to become more uncomfortable for the customers. Also, there's the fact that you can see a lot of those act on the trashier talk shows or reality shows, so the interest isn't necessarily there."

"But one thing that you don't get on TV and that never goes out of style is people doing insane things like swallowing swords or eating fire. Really, those are skills you can learn, but most people don't bother suppressing their gag reflex just so they can shove a sword down their throat and risk a crazy kind of death," Dick said. "But that's kind of the point. The best stuff on the sideshow is just a strange talent you have that you can demonstrate in an entertaining manner. Double jointed? There's a place for you. Do you have good aim and a good arm? Try knife throwing. Do you have enough confidence in weight distribution to lie on a bed of nails and know you're not going to get hurt? It looks impressive."

"So what I want everyone to do today is just pick some random, weird thing you can do, get on one of the stages, and demonstrate it. If you need props, there's plenty over in a box by that stage," Dick said. "That should give you pretty much anything you need. And remember, safety protocols are on, so if you really want to try swallowing a sword, you can't slash up your insides and you won't choke to death."

"Hey everyone," Dick said as the class gathered in the middle of the typical Danger Room circus tent. He was holding a box of popcorn. "This week, we're going to learn a little bit about taking care of the animals. And our helper today is going to be Bessie the elephant." Yes, Dick named the imaginary elephant that was walking over to him. He pet Bessie's trunk and continued talking.

"The most important thing to remember once again is safety. And not just your own, even if you do want to be careful when a five ton animal is stomping around. But you also have to treat the animals right. And that means feeding them, cleaning them, making sure they're healthy, and that's without trying to teach them tricks. If one of your animals gets sick because you didn't treat them right, it could die."

"So let's make it interesting today," Dick said. "For the second half of class, you can all ride an elephant. The Danger Shop can manage that. But you have to earn the right by putting in some hard work. You can wash an elephant with a hose - but your elephant may spray water back at you with his or her trunk. Or you can clean up a pile of manure so that it can be processed and sold commercially for gardens. Yes, that's what circuses do with that. Do either of those for the first half of class and you get to spend the second half on Bessie or one of her friends."

"Or you can just hang around the seats and talk, but fair warning, a moddable clown will be in that area and may try to talk. Or at least try to give you balloon animals."

When the students made their way to the Danger Shop today, they would see a note on the door saying "Here Be Clowns." That was all the warning you were getting, coulrophobics.

When the students were all inside the shop (and inside the virtual circus tent), Dick started the lesson. "Let's talk about clowns. First off, if you ever see one who looks like this guy," Dick said, pushing a button on the shop remote to display a projection of a joyfully psychotic-looking man with a white face and green hair, "run. He's a lunatic and a murderer and he can do real damage. Any Gotham City kids in here hopefully know what I'm talking about."

( The rest of the clowns are not looking to murder you. )