Fandom High School

Josh came bounding into the classroom and threw his hands up over his head. "Victory is mine, victory is mine!" he crowed. "I drink from the keg of glory!"

He grinned and waved his hand at the food on his desk. "So I share with you the finest muffins and bagels in all the land."

He bounced around the room.

"Okay, today we were supposed to talk about putting together a political fundraiser, but I don't care about that right now. I want to talk about the House of Representatives and how we've probably taken back the Senate once Virginia learns how to count and just how smart the campaigns that were run were this go around." He grinned. "Or you could drink coffee, eat pastry and watch me gloat. I'm good with that, too."

"Today we're supposed to talk about campaign finance," Josh said. "Which as a teacher I should probably tell you is fascinating and important."

He took a gulp from his coffee mug. "But it's actually tedious and painful and that's what you hire campaign lawyers for because the campaign finance laws make tax laws look like they were carefully thought out to be easily understood."

He grinned. "Someone who wears a lot of tweed and tends not to come out during the daytime has spent his entire life learning how to drive a truck full of money through the loopholes in the last campaign finance reform bill. Find him. Pay him whatever he's asking for. It's worth it."

He walked over to the blackboard and wrote "MONEY" in giant letter. "Because without cash, you have no campaign. And we could get into a discussion about how terrible it is that it costs an average of a million dollars to run a successful House race and bemoan the growing influence of special interest groups but frankly we'll just go around in circles getting frustrated and it's entirely too early in the day for that kind of a discussion."

He leaned against a desk. "And no candidate enjoys asking for money. It's their least favorite thing to do. They'll bitch and moan and whine and generally act like petulant toddlers. Today, I want you to come up with three ways to get the candidates to make those phone calls."

Josh pointed at Marty. "How many more days of terrible political ads do we have to go before the election?" he asked.

Josh stopped watching the latest episode of The Daily Show on his laptop when the campaigning class walked into the classroom.

"Today we talk about targeting and research," he said. "As the dancing cartoons on Schoolhouse Rock used to say, 'knowledge is power', and this is never more true than in politics." He raised an eyebrow. "Schoolhouse Rock is awesome, and I refuse to hear anyone who says otherwise." He snapped his finger. "Eric, how many days until the election?"

( Targeting and Research )

Josh sat down at his desk and took a sip of coffee. "Okay. For your pros, say you are a 5-term incumbent who is the chairman of, say, an Appropriations subcommittee. You've shuffled an awful lot of money back home. You've been representing your people for a decade and you've made a couple of votes where you've broken party lines to defend what your constituents believe about, oh, let's say the inheritance tax and torturing prisoners. For your cons, you're a Republican linked to a President whose approval ratings are made up of his immediate family."

He smiled. "How would you maximize your assets and minimize your weaknesses?"

Josh propped the door open so that he could keep an eye on the Student Council elections taking place in the hallway, then finally turned his attention to the three students in his classroom.

( Read more... )

He sat down and cracked open a can of Caf-Pow like Abby had recommended. This was probably not going to bode well for his fourth period class.

Josh was gulping from a giant a cup of coffee and cackling with glee about the latest polls from the Ohio Senate races when the political campaigning class arrived.

( Josh waxes poetic about politics. Who would've thought? )

He lifted his hands. "Wow me, guys."

"Last class before your presentations, guys," Josh said, glancing up from the latest poll numbers from a Michigan special election. "Figure out who's saying what, blah, blah, blah. Any questions, just ask."

"Today we talk about field organizing," Josh said to the class. "You might've noticed that running a campaign looks a lot like sending an army into battle--and if you haven't noticed, please, please pay more attention--and field organizing is the 'boots on the ground' portion of your strategy."

He smiled. "This group marches on its stomach, too--pizza, sandwiches, coffee. Make sure you have lots of it. This is where you use your volunteers. Field organizing covers phone banks and door-to-door campaigning. For Democrats especially, this is where we have to do most of our campaigning because as hard as we fundraise, the Republicans are generally going to have more money. If you organize your volunteers and target your undecideds correctly, you can outthink your opponents. The South Dakota 2002 Senate race is a brilliant example of that--the Democrat there had field offices spread across the state and managed to contact every single voter at least five times before Election Day. There was a report that a volunteer was knocking on a door at the same time another volunteer was calling from the phone bank."

Josh grinned. "That, my friends, is saturation. So today I want you to make up a number come up with a rough idea of how many volunteers you think you'll need, with more for the weeks leading up to Election Day, of course. Will you pay them? Will you bring them in from out-of-state? Will you use a set of cunning robots? Whatever."

He sat down and put his hands behind his head. "As always, ask questions. Never be afraid to say 'I don't know.'"

A vat of green slime poured from the ceiling onto Josh's head.

"What. The. Hell?"

[OOC: Now in the right community! *headdesk*]

"Today we're going to watch some political ads," Josh said, walking over to the television. "This has nothing to do with the notes I was writing on the board rearranging themselves to tell me that I was an expletive-deleted tax-and-spend liberal." He glared at the board behind him. "This school is weird."

He popped in a tape. "Pay particular attention to the Daisy ad, the Willie Horton ad, and the ad about the bear in the woods."

He sat down at his desk. "Then, discuss. Why do you think these work? What are they trying to tell the voters about the candidate? Their opponent? How to they make you feel?"

He waved his hands. "That kind of thing. Go. Talk."

Josh was sitting behind his desk for all the world like he hadn't been gone for almost a month.

He gave the Campaigning class a welcoming grin when they arrived.

"Hey all," he said, checking his syllabus. "I think we're supposed to be talking about political consultants and other people you hire. It's pretty easy. Hire Bruno Gianelli. It'll cost your soul, but he's a steal at that kind of price."

He kicked his feet onto his desk. "What'd I miss?" He looked around the room. "And, um, Rory--how many days until the election?"

"Today we talk more about developing the message," Josh said, "which you might remember we talked about way back during the third week of classes." He looked around the room. "With the scary message grids and that whole thing?"

He smiled. "Today, I want you to take the specifics of what you have learned about your condidate--his three big accomplishments, which are conveniently enough, due today--" he pointed at his inbox,"--and see if they fit in with what you had thought of as effective message. If not, decide if the message needs to change, or if you need to find examples that better reflect the image you want to project for the candidate."

He pointed at random. "Rory, how many days until the election?"

Josh stopped watching the latest episode of The Daily Show on his laptop when the campaigning class walked into the classroom.

"Today we go into the idea of research in more detail," he said. "As the dancing cartoons on Schoolhouse Rock used to say, 'knowledge is power', and this is never more true than in politics." He raised an eyebrow. "Schoolhouse Rock is awesome, and I refuse to hear anyone who says otherwise." He snapped his finger. "Donna--" he was pointing at Angel, "how many days until the election?"

( Research )

He sat down. "Okay, your assignment for today, due next week, is for your group to find three bills or laws or proposals that your guy was instrumental in implementing. Internet research, or hit the library--doesn't really matter to me. Just give me three good things that your guy has done that you think will be important to help get him elected."

Josh was still a little distracted by the continuing coverage of the State of the Union and kept glancing at his copy of the speech transcript and frowning.

"Okay. Tuesday night's speech pretty much gives you a blueprint of the issues that the Republicans will be running on this year: Iraq, terrorism, education, health care, permanent tax cuts, and, apparently, banning human-animal hybrids." Josh rolled his eyes. "Maybe that's a huge issue in Montana or something."

He smacked the top of his desk. "Except for not. Today we talk about local issues."

He pointed at the stack of newspapers on his desk. "Some of the big things in Montana right now: the Abramhoff scandal--bad news for the Burns people--Iraq, farming issues, snow mobiles--learn to care about that--, wolves potentially coming off the endangered list, unemployment rates on the reservations."

He waved his hands at the class. "Discuss among yourselves. Which national issues will you take from the Republican platform, if you're working for Burns, or work to counter, if you're Morrison and Tester? Learn about wolves." He gave an evil smile. "Extra credit will be given to anyone who asks CJ Cregg about Plumie." He sat back down. "Divide into your usual groups." He snapped his fingers. "Oh, um, Donna--" he pointed at Jake--"how many days until the election?"

Josh put down the article he was reading about Hamas winning the election in Palestine when the campaign class came into the room.

( Today we talk about the message. )

He passed out a handout. "Okay, today's work is easy. Start it in class, finish it up for next week. Fill in the following sentences with words you think best describe your candidate and your opponent. Poof, instant message. Each of you work on one individually, then your groups will discuss which one you think is most effective next week." He looked at the group. "And with Jessica leaving school, Donna has graciously volunteered to shift back and forth between the Morrison and Tester groups to make sure that no one is completely overwhelmed." Josh smiled at Angel. "Thanks."

He sat back down at his desk and waited for group discussions to begin. He's pretty distracted by the news out of Palestine, and probably won't notice if groups aren't really discussing politics today.

Josh put down the spreadsheets of electoral information about Montana when the first political campaigning student came into the classroom.

( Campaign strategy: Yeah, you want to win. )

He put his notes down. "Okay. Based on what you've learned about your candidates, I want you to come up with a very, very rough sketch of your campaign strategy. I'll be giving you hard numbers next week about who lives where and how they vote so you can see how close you were, but for today, start talking strategy. This'll also be your homework. I want a hard copy of your strategy--what your guy will talk about, and to who, that will get you the 50 percent plus one, due on my desk next Tuesday." He smiled. "Because as I've said, if it's not on paper, it doesn't exist."

Josh was tacking a large map of Montana to the wall as his political campaign students filed in. When they had all arrived, he turned around, pointed at Parker and said, "how many days until the next election?"

"Welcome back," he said to the rest of the class with a smile. "Today I'll give you the assignment that will torture you for the rest of the semester." He pointed at the map. "Welcome to Montana!"

He passed around a handout. "This is a quick and dirty first look at the great state of Montana. By the end of the semester, I expect you to be able to bore the crap out of anyone who brings up Billings in your hearing. Because you will be writing the campaign plans for the three candidates running for Senate in Montana in 2006: Conrad Montgomery Burns, the three-term Republican incumbent, and his two Democratic challengers, John Jim Morrison and Jon Bob Tester.

He walked over to his desk and pulled up a list of names. "Okay, on the Burns campaign, we have Parker, Callisto and Donna,"--he pointed at Jake--"On the Morrison campaign, we have Rory, Alanna and Donna,"--he pointed at Angel--"and on the the Tester campaign we have Logan, Jessica, Elizabeth and no Donnas."

( Elements of a Campaign Plan )

"Enough of me talking. Break into your groups. Based on the very, very limited information I've given you about Montana and the discussion we had last class about the national mood, come up with three things that you think your candidate will have to address in this election."

"Your homework, due in my inbox by next class, is to learn about your candidate. I want to know their personal background, their political history, their wives' names, how much money they have in their campaign coffers. Information, folks. Give me some."

Josh waved his hand. "You may now commence in your whining about what a horrible, evil person I am."

[OOC: Yep. This semester we will actually be looking into the RL Montana 2006 Senate race. I've changed the first names of the candidates, but a Google search of the oh-so-stealthily slashed out real first names will bring up the actual candidates. And with time zones being what they are, group conversations in this and all other classes will be open until the next class goes up.]