"A Mummy..." Why yes, Drac was still dealing with the monsters that were his BFFs. Why? BECAUSE HIS ORIGINAL LESSON PLAN HAD BEEN ALL ON THE EVILS OF HUMANS! He felt he'd adjusted it well, though. "Is a monster that technically is a human; it's a corpse that is reanimated, similar to a zombie. But, where the zombie is decayed and often missing parts, the mummy is actually preserved. Many times, to the point you cannot tell if they are actually dead or not."

"While mummification can happen all over the world, and even sometimes naturally, not every mummified human becomes a Mummy. Here is where the strangeness of the human mind comes into play: Mummies, according to humans, come from Egypt."

"For once?" Drac shrugged at the class. "They're right. Now for the rest."



His notes rose from the desk and came to his hand. Mummies are preserved corpses of the dead... ah! "Mummies are brought back from the dead by magic, by curse, or by a potion. They come back for a reason, usually to kill or seek revenge or protect their tomb from being robbed. They are usually kings or queens, although in one story I found the mummy was a high priest. He was ordered to protect the body of the dead daughter of the king forever and when he was brought to life, he went," Drac eyerolled, "searching for her reincarnation because he was in love with her."

"My friend Murray is a former entertainer and definitely not searching the globe for the reincarnation of his lost love." Eyeroll harder, Drac. "He is a lady chaser, but not a stalker." Technically.

"Undead mummies... Again with that term? What does that mean?" Drac threw his papers into the air... and they floated orderly to the desk, with the aid of some purple magic. OCD FTW "Anyway. According to a few human stories, Mummies are supposed to eat the vital organs of the living so that they can build their body back again and gain power. Mummies also are reported to have control over the elements, can use magic, and can control insects."

"Mummies I know eat normal food." For what passed as normal for monsters. "But can control sand. Murray can control it so well he brings it with him when he visits and leaves it all over my lobby." Drac's face went into irritated mode. Sure the young monsters enjoyed it, and it made for a flashy entrance, but getting it out of the carpet...

"Human stories are again hit and miss on descriptions of the Mummy. Correct is the fact that they always wear bandages." Drac made a face. "You don't want to see them without the bandages. Believe me." Yes, kids, if it made a vampire shudder...

"Supposedly Mummies cannot speak. PATENTLY not true." Try to get them to stop. "Only walk in an awkward shamble drag-way? No. That's Zombies. Are immune to pain and weapons?" Drac paused and glanced at the students. "Do I need to address this for every monster?"

"I did find some references to an odd type of Mummy that I find fascinating." He reached for a book and held it aloft.

"This book and a few others describe the Mummy as having the ability to come fully to life and pass as human. In some cases to even become human. It is, fact, almost the hero of the story, and definitely a very sympathetic character."


The book returned to the desk and Drac clapped his hands. "But it still gets many things wrong. The Mummy can remove his wrappings to pass for a human, for example. Which they can't. Also he is a member of the royal family and a philosopher. Every monster is different, even Mummies. In the case of my friend Murray, as I mentioned earlier, he was an entertainer, not a member of the royal family. He lives in a pyramid in Egypt, yes, but he can leave when he wants and not through a curse or drinking a potion."

"Today, I am going to have some more fun with our topic. Comedy, as my friend Murray is always telling me, isn't about making fun of others. Comedy is the opposite of Tragedy. Comedy talks of the normal and the obvious and triumph over it. When a tragedy happens, you feel bad because you are happy it hasn't happened to you. Comedy makes you feel better without feeling the guilt because it either has happened to you or it's inevitable in life so it's familiar."

Drac sagged slightly. "Which is nice and poetic, but my friend tells the worst jokes. For example,

• Have you heard about the mixed up Egyptian prince? He woke up to find his daddy was a mummy.

  
  

• Where do mummies go for a swim? To the dead sea, of corpse.

  
  

• A skeleton walks into a bar and says 'Give me a beer and a mop.'

  
  

• A skeleton went to the doctor. The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, 'Aren't you a little late?'

  
  

Please come up and tell at least one better. Preferably with a monster theme."

...

"And believe me, you can't be worse than Murray."