"Making it quick and easy this week. Horoscopes are crap, presented by charlatans, crazy people, Toby, and people who just have nothing better to do," Jonah said. "Astrologists claim to give predictions for people based on their birthdays. It's broken up into twelve signs: Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces. It doesn't matter what they are or where they fall because it's all crap."

"So, to make all of our lives easier, just dive right in and tell everyone in the world what their futures are based on when they were born. And throw out some lucky numbers while you're at it. Get to work!"

[OOC: Oh, and if any of the tired, sexless students want to cause a disruption and get a detention, just let me know. :D ]