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fandomhigh2014-08-08 08:58 am
notmysupervisor.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhigh2014-08-08 08:58 am
Entry tags:
Seven Habits of Global Synergization and Constituents and Something [Friday]
"Today, we are talking about synergy," Pam said, clapping her hands excitedly. Pam was stone sober today, and very, very happy. That ought to worry you.
"Synergy is mission critical to success, both in the corporate ecosystem and once you take it offline. It's the only way to leverage our core competencies and create vertical integration throughout our workspace. Let's go ahead and peel the onion, kids. We're going to drill down into ways to make synergizing work for you.
Oh, yeah. Pam was going to drown you all in corporate jargon. It was one of her favorite things ever, next to weed.
"This is really fucking boring, Pam," Cheryl noted, looking up from where she was filing her nails.
"Always keep your best practices front and center," Pam insisted, talking over Cheryl with an ominous glare. "There are a lot of moving parts, so you have to be sure that your human resources are, at every level, empowered to operationalize our actionables. We need to incentivize our learnings as we move forward. It's great to seize that quick win, but even better to repurpose it into our long-term value prop. That's the only way to be world-class."
"None of that even made sense," Cheryl added helpfully. "Like, almost none of those were even real words."
"Would you just shut your pill-popping dick holster for five minutes and let me do this!!" Pam snapped. "I have two more pages to go! I have not even gotten to scalability or how it's gaining traction and you are RUINING IT!!!"
"Because it's stupid!" Cheryl raged back at her, finally just giving up on trying to be cool about this. "I had an activity planned and you're ruining that! Fuck your stupid made-up words!"
"FINE!" Pam shrieked. "FINE! LET'S DO WHATEVER STUPID FUCKING ACTIVITY CHERYL WANTS TO DO! BECAUSE THAT IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY ENTIRE FUCKING CAREER!"
To be fair, Pam, most things were.
Cheryl, who was now acting like she hadn't just screamed at her co-teacher and like everything was totally fine, had several lengths of rope. "We're doing three-legged races today!" she said sunnily.
Why? Because that's what Cheryl thought 'synergy' meant. Yup, aren't we all glad that that was worth interrupting Pam's actual lecture? Because it totally was.
"Find yourself a buddy and run from one end of the classroom to the other! If you trip, you can't sue us." Because that was how lawsuits worked -- if you said it up front, they couldn't do anything about it, right?
"Synergy is mission critical to success, both in the corporate ecosystem and once you take it offline. It's the only way to leverage our core competencies and create vertical integration throughout our workspace. Let's go ahead and peel the onion, kids. We're going to drill down into ways to make synergizing work for you.
Oh, yeah. Pam was going to drown you all in corporate jargon. It was one of her favorite things ever, next to weed.
"This is really fucking boring, Pam," Cheryl noted, looking up from where she was filing her nails.
"Always keep your best practices front and center," Pam insisted, talking over Cheryl with an ominous glare. "There are a lot of moving parts, so you have to be sure that your human resources are, at every level, empowered to operationalize our actionables. We need to incentivize our learnings as we move forward. It's great to seize that quick win, but even better to repurpose it into our long-term value prop. That's the only way to be world-class."
"None of that even made sense," Cheryl added helpfully. "Like, almost none of those were even real words."
"Would you just shut your pill-popping dick holster for five minutes and let me do this!!" Pam snapped. "I have two more pages to go! I have not even gotten to scalability or how it's gaining traction and you are RUINING IT!!!"
"Because it's stupid!" Cheryl raged back at her, finally just giving up on trying to be cool about this. "I had an activity planned and you're ruining that! Fuck your stupid made-up words!"
"FINE!" Pam shrieked. "FINE! LET'S DO WHATEVER STUPID FUCKING ACTIVITY CHERYL WANTS TO DO! BECAUSE THAT IS WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY ENTIRE FUCKING CAREER!"
To be fair, Pam, most things were.
Cheryl, who was now acting like she hadn't just screamed at her co-teacher and like everything was totally fine, had several lengths of rope. "We're doing three-legged races today!" she said sunnily.
Why? Because that's what Cheryl thought 'synergy' meant. Yup, aren't we all glad that that was worth interrupting Pam's actual lecture? Because it totally was.
"Find yourself a buddy and run from one end of the classroom to the other! If you trip, you can't sue us." Because that was how lawsuits worked -- if you said it up front, they couldn't do anything about it, right?