Kaidan Alenko (
not_a_whiner) wrote in
fandomhigh2013-12-06 12:13 pm
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Entry tags:
Space!, Friday
Was Kaidan looking more uncomfortable than usual today? Yes, yes he was.
"Hey," he told the class. "I've been informed that I should probably cover--" He coughed. "...Interspecies relations with you. In case that, uh. Comes up."
Shuffle.
"There are risks involved with, uh, associating intimately with someone of another sentient species," he said. "For example, if you're a levo-amino lifeform and you have relations with a dextro-amino person, both of you are at risk of having allergic reactions to your, uh." Damn it. "...Fluids."
Nghghghgh. He was just... Going to try and get through this.
"Some species secrete substances that might serve as hallucinogenics," he continued on doggedly. "They might have oddly shaped genitals or specific mating rituals that need to be observed. But... most of the time, at least... you can bet there won't be a risk of pregnancy." A pause. "Unless you're sleeping with an asari. They can, ah. Get along. With anybody. Though the offspring is always asari."
He rubbed the back of his neck.
"Basically, make sure to be informed about the details of the reproductive habits of your heterospecies relationship," he said, rubbing harder at the back of his neck. "And no, pornography is not a good substitute. Talk to a doctor. Or a professor. A professional." Probably not a Systems Alliance marine.
He fell silent for a long moment.
"Okay," he said. "I'm going to make you all play an informative game about interspecies relationships. Team up, two to a screen, let's go."
And stop talking about this. Right now.
"Hey," he told the class. "I've been informed that I should probably cover--" He coughed. "...Interspecies relations with you. In case that, uh. Comes up."
Shuffle.
"There are risks involved with, uh, associating intimately with someone of another sentient species," he said. "For example, if you're a levo-amino lifeform and you have relations with a dextro-amino person, both of you are at risk of having allergic reactions to your, uh." Damn it. "...Fluids."
Nghghghgh. He was just... Going to try and get through this.
"Some species secrete substances that might serve as hallucinogenics," he continued on doggedly. "They might have oddly shaped genitals or specific mating rituals that need to be observed. But... most of the time, at least... you can bet there won't be a risk of pregnancy." A pause. "Unless you're sleeping with an asari. They can, ah. Get along. With anybody. Though the offspring is always asari."
He rubbed the back of his neck.
"Basically, make sure to be informed about the details of the reproductive habits of your heterospecies relationship," he said, rubbing harder at the back of his neck. "And no, pornography is not a good substitute. Talk to a doctor. Or a professor. A professional." Probably not a Systems Alliance marine.
He fell silent for a long moment.
"Okay," he said. "I'm going to make you all play an informative game about interspecies relationships. Team up, two to a screen, let's go."
And stop talking about this. Right now.
Sign In!
Re: Sign In!
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Re: Sign In!
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Listen to the Lecture
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She was just going to turn bright red and sink down in her seat and pray she didn't need to talk today. Or look at Things. Just. She was just going to think about NICE things like ice cream and balloons and volleyball. Not...sexy things.
Team Up and Play The Game!
But an accidental mis-google had linked up the systems to Hatoful Boyfriend instead.
At least it was still about interspecies relations...?
Re: Team Up and Play The Game!
Re: Team Up and Play The Game!
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Talk to the TA
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Talk to the Teacher
And not at all on mental images of asari in suits.
Re: Talk to the Teacher
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Oh lord.
Re: Talk to the Teacher
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"Curious, any manuals on safe interspecies sex practices with humans published? Omni-tool on a network from very nearly just after First Contact with humans, and could only find crude porn. Did not open, of course. Would like to upload some more anatomically correct data if possible."
(I'm wrapping up a final paper so I miiiiight be slow until I finish but this is too good a class not to bother poor Kaidan about.)
Re: Talk to the Teacher
"I'm sure there's some medical texts," he managed. Salarians. "I'll... just let the home office know."
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Human-rich environment here!
Re: Talk to the Teacher
Not that they'd had any allergic reactions yet, but you could never be too careful.
Re: Talk to the Teacher
Beat.
"Unless your boyfriend is an alien."
Re: Talk to the Teacher
He frowned. "Or unless I am. But you'd think that'd be the sort of thing your mom would tell you, really."
OOC
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Re: OOC