Drake had an evil-looking raven perched on his shoulder during the lecture today. No, not Raven. A raven. If it were an evil-looking Raven, that would be awkward, in more ways than one.

"All right, we're going to do something a little different today," Drake said, "and give you cynics a chance to rewrite a classic love story, or you romantics to make it actually be romantic. I'm sure most of you know the story of Sleeping Beauty, most likely the Disney version." He snapped his fingers to conjure his projector to play the clips as he talked.

"So, once upon a time, newborn princess Aurora is having her christening. Her parents invited the local fairies, but failed to include Maleficent, because with a name like that, they figured she'd be a downer. So Malefie is pissed and curses the princess so that she will die on her sixteenth birthday after pricking her finger on a spinning wheel, because I guess she figured death by splinter would be pretty painful. One of the other fairies is able to soften the curse to just 'fall asleep' until awaken by the kiss of her true love, but they can't stop it from coming true. Prince Phillip, meanwhile, had met Aurora in the woods and got the major hots for her, so he's off to slay the dragon Malefie turns herself into and gives Aurora a smooch to wake her up. And they live happily ever after. I know, I know, they knew each other for all of ten minutes and it's True Love? Not very realistic. So that's where you come in.

"How would you rewrite this story?" Drake finished. "Go wild, change anything you want, but keep at least some aspect of it so that you can recognize the source material." He fully expected someone to pull an Ann Rice and make it porn. And if Dan didn't somehow involve Lady Gaga, he'd be so disappointed.