"Let's talk about pregnancy," Steve said, beaming at his class. "Pregnancy is how--barring crazy witches or mad scientists--new life is created. Now, half of you--again, barring crazy witches or mad scientists--will never be pregnant. For that, you should thank your God. Yes, it is a miraculous process, but it is not a fun process, and definitely not one that should be undertaken by teenagers. Ahem."

"Generally speaking, women are able to conceive around five days per twenty-eight day menstrual cycle." Why yes, Steve was turning quite pink. "As I mentioned previously, if you're pre-modern, your best bet as far as birth control goes is to figure out when those days are using a fertility chart and avoid intercourse during that period. Now we're going to watch a short film on conception."

Once the film was over, Steve continued talking. "Some early indicators of pregnancy include a missed period, swollen or tender, um, breasts, fatigue, morning sickness, which can actually happen at any time of the day, and needing to um, urinate often. There are other possible explanations for all of these symptoms, but if you're experiencing more than one of them, it might be a good idea to purchase a pregnancy test or make an appointment with your doctor. As soon as you find out you're pregnant, it's important to stop smoking and drinking alcohol and, horrifying as this may sound, cut out caffeine.

"Pregnancy is generally divided into three three-month periods, or trimesters. During the first trimester, all of the indicators of early pregnancy mentioned above are experienced, along with mood swings, headaches, backaches, and food cravings--hence the stereotype of 'pickles and ice cream.' During the second trimester some of those symptoms will go away, to be replaced by the abdomen expanding, which changes balance, and shortness of breath. The third trimester basically entails walking around with a watermelon strapped to your stomach while suffering from heartburn, sore feet, and hemorrhoids. At the end of it you do get a baby, though. Gentlemen, your role during all of this is to do whatever the woman wants you to do. Full stop. Now we're going to watch the least horrifying video about childbirth I could find."

When the video was complete, Steve said, "You're welcome to take the rest of the class to discuss why you're absolutely not going to become teen pregnancy statistics."

((Videos and links not necessarily SFW.))